Superhuman. =P

Days i wake up,

to jump,

and reach for the sky,

just to touch the piece of love up high.

wondering where could you be,

how are you doing, 

and shooting every bad things come forward,

or even near you.

Don't worry,

and no need to feel sorry,

just run right by.

holidays.!!! =) hehe.. (sleeping time man!! )  ;)  hmmm...it's kinda boring. waking up everyday. doing the same thing..not going anywhere for holidays. oh ya.. you know what.. i've noticed that alot of people are going on holidays this year..compare to previous years. everyone at least went some where out of this country for a nice holiday. so good for them.. =P damn you lucky people.!! ehhehehe =P

let see i got nothing much to say.. nothign going on. not much to write anyway. hahaha... just 1 boring holiday man!!.. but at least it is a bit interesting. i get to stay home eat eat eat and jsut eat.. heheh =)  so interestign right??.. =P haha.  

There's gotta be somebody out there for me.

Oh how i wish life could be as simple as a movie.

as easy going as it all seem all in that wide screen tele.

and having many friends around, like the disney movies.

having that 1 or 2 special really special one in the life.

why can't life be like that?.

like a disney film.

where nothing is impossible and dreams can come true,

and most importantly, there are more happy moments than sad ones in those movies.

But too bad, life ain't that simple.

some people might have the best things they can have, where some others don't have,

where there are winners, there are always losers too.

where there are happy people, there are sad people,

where there are ang mo, there are terrorist. (hehe)

what i am trying put out is that, not everyone can be winners and not everyone can be losers in life.

i had never gone so deep in thought about life before, just recently when i have been looking around what i have,

then i realized i don't have many things compare to everyone else,

and thats what makes my life so lifeless at times.

for example, like now, blogging in the middle of night cause there is nothign to watch on tv and nothing else to do, noone to talk to. =P

this sucks, and i don't want to live my whole life like this, 

it totally reeks man...but i really dunno what to do.

I'm LOST.

Who am I? Where am I?

Things come and go,

everything comes to an end,

and there are times where i wonder,

is this the end?

They say memories stay forever,

and friendship never dies,

whatever we say or do,

will always HOPEFULLY be cherish by someone.

everybody wants to feel like someone cares,

Nobody wants to feel all alone.

No matter how sad i could be,

i would stand strong, hold on.

And DON'T fall.

hmmm...It's the start of the school holidays, not really looking forward to it much, will be bored at home, and won't be able to go to school and see friends. oh look. it's the end of the form 4 year for me. Man thats a really fast year. it just teleports its way to the end. I guess there are a few students would be leaving the school. It's always sad to see a friend leave. but hey, will still be friends. friendship is so important. haha =P you gotta have it to live it. hehehe.

so ya, inter-class games has finished, wasn't as fun as i thought and hope it would be, didn't get any gold back. only pplayed 1 finals. haihz. and i guess it's all my fault. fromt he football to the badminton and tennis..whatever. missing the penalty for the inter-class games. man bringing all the confidence playing football crashing down. Derrick's confidence level now SUPER LOW! and this is the last year of inter-class games i would have. and it was a bit disappointing 1. but hey, i'll try to get on with it soon. i hope. haih.. =P

2008! A year of so many happening things. not many good ones. but still at least there are some good ones i think. Mainly sad disappointing things. but still.. who cares la..whatever. haha =P ok it is kinda late already..couldn't really sleep so decided maybe to write something here. so ok. i'll go try to sleep now. till next time people. =P

Derrick misses being loved by someone special. =(

Where's the power?

Derrick misses that wonderful feeling!! =(

Wishing and hoping whether will 

he ever get it back!!

Derrick really misses a feeling like that in his life!

Gosh sounding desperate man..wtf!! =P hahaha....just too bored and got nothign else to post...so ya.. =P hahaha.

Speechless.....

As time goes by,

i see you getting further,

and closer to him,

hanging by the moment,

trying, trying and trying,

to forget.

If i could i would,

but for now I'm totally speechless,

with nothing to say,

trying to hide and stop all the feelings away,

ever wondering whether you would remember,

wondering whether would you know,

seeing you so happily with him,

so in love and hard to seem,

as i just walk through as i never even seen.

how could i ever say,

how would i be able to put the words to say,

to tell you that i still......

Just don't forget the moments, thats all. <3>

hmmm.....can't wait for inter-class games to start..waited the whole year for this time to come. hehehe. =) just hope i can do well this time, and at least get something out of this not so great year. oh ya.. my finals results sucks.totally really extremely sucks real bad. but at leas i did pass most of them.. just barely pass.. ehehe. =P

But...

Sad to say,

you've moved on,

falling in love,

to a whole new love,

a wonderful fun experience for you,

what else can i say?

all i have left are just memories,

memories of falling in love with you,

memories which would stay forever,

and never forgotten.

i guess this is the sign,

the sign that there is no way,

no how, there would be a second chance in life,

with you.

but still i believe,

and I'm the man who can't be moved.

Love Joanna Loo much much MUCH! =)

exams are over, i mean not technically over, there is just the math exams left. and that shouldn't be that difficult. so yea, it is over. hahaha =P exams out. man. lots of people are leaving man. every year there will be people leaving. leaving the school. hmmm... next year, HUEY WEI and MABEL are both leaving the aussie land. oh man. sad sad.. tsk tsk. and oh ya, other students and friends are leaving too.. teo hong jasmine sudeash, the columbus gang are also leaving. everyone are starting to leave and go on with their on lives. everyone are moving on. experiencing new and wonderful experience of their lives man.

so ya, nothing else much to say. except this.. MABEL!! HUEY WEI!! heheh =) i'll miss you 2 lots man.!! remember me when you are there. don't forget me man. haha =P we'll meet up some time to go karaoke, mabel. don't worry. ahahha =P and huey wei, you can come along too. =) hahah.

Happily loving you. =)

today, was quite a boring day. the only interestign part was that the singapore F1 race was on. man that was awesome, i wished i could be there man. it looks so great, the night race and all, so much better than malaysia stupid sepang circuit. and so much cheaper than building the sepang circuit too. imagine that. haha =P


hmmm.... oh ya, she's finally back!! =) but it's too bad tomorrow there isn't any school on. gosh i miss her smile.. and i really miss her.. can't believe it has been already 9 days, since i last saw her. it felt like she was gone for a month. but hey, anyway she is back. hope she is having a great sleep now. tonight. ahving sweet sweet wonderful dreams. =)


Just to let you know,
i have always loved you,
still do,
miss you that bad,
it might hurt,
it might stink,
but still i want you to know,
i'll still be loving you as always,
wanting you to be happy,
and super great at all times. =)
i might not get any from you,
but still....
i love you,
and really care how you feel, and how you are.
up there you'll see a wonderful bright star,
and there i'll be hoping you'll be alright,
till death takes me away. =)
<3> Joanna Loo Kai Li.

Natural Love. =)

when there you were.

我愛你, 不放弃, 不会分离.

I ought to know that it might be possible. but then, there is still a feeling which couldn't and wouldn't go. so here i say, i love you, won't let go, never apart. i miss you too... hope you'll be well and healthy. take care.

你不会爱 我的爱 我明白, 
你的最爱 那一块 哪天我才存在, 
我不会爱 你的爱 受伤害 ,
所以宁愿安静的等待.

so here comes the final exams. see how time teleports itself. it seemed like it was just yesterday that i could feel you in my arms. from January to now, the end of September. and the begin of the new month, October. i'll miss the old times. but hey, i still have to try to live on. no matter how time flies or teleports. just gotta catch up man. hehe =).

I think i might fail my finals.. so many things to study, my mind is so gonna burst into bits man. anyway, can't wait for it to finish. and then comes the inter-class.. hehehe.. =) the best thing to happen in school the whole year, this year for me. =) heheh.. I also don't what to write alreayd la.. anyway, some ppl keep bugging me to at least put some pictures..haha so here i go. some retarded pics.. haha =P

 

    <3

    

  look where else can you find love. =P

  

I Loved You. and still do. =P

 look how ugly the flower is. should've met her to show it what pretty is. =P

 

Don't get wet! you'll get sick. here an umbrella. =)

yesterday's gone

it is the 9th month of the year already, see how time just teleports all the way man. 1 day you are starting the form 4, the next you are already gettign ready for the spm. time just goes too fast man. but anyway, no matter how much time flies or teleports. we still have to keep up with the time man. don't get left behind.

today is the 2nd of september, final exams are in a month time i think. see how fast?.. and the long holidays are just around the corner too. just about 2 months to holiday. and thats when i'll miss her the most, but i'll miss everyone else too. hehe =) 

everyday i just feel you right there, but just so out of reach.

and i'll just try to get the feeling away,

but how and what to do?

to get this wonderful feeling i have for you away?

i just can't stop calling your name inside of me,

the feeling is like trying to stop the rain to fall,

isn't there a quick solution for a problem like this?

is it love or what?

how the hell would i know man?

i don't even know what love is.

anyway, there isn't a stop for the feelings i have now.

gotta know that, i'll be there always for you.

so yea, class test is this week, and i'm so flunking things now. sucks man. oh ya, during the weekend i manage to watch 3 movies. hahaha =P

1. Kungfu Panda : fav quote ( yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift thats why it's called the present) =D haha.
2. Iron man : Fav thing was the suit, dam yeng. hahah =P
3. Money No Enough 2 : a Singaporean movie, ahahha, it is dam funny if you understand hokkien and mandarin together. hehe.
   

so yeap thats all i guess. sienz. haha =P ok.

Super Star. =)

hmmmm....what can i blog about leh?... i also don't know.. haha just feel like posting something up but don't knwo what to post, cause it ahs been a long time i posted somethign here.. haha =)

lets see.. today school started again, and it is the end of the holidays. hahaha.. school went as usual, class was noise as usual and lazy as usual. hehehe :) some teachers didn't come, some did. and gave homework. Oh ya class test is coming man!! oh no!! so fast.. =( sienzzz.. hahah.

oh ya today ching yi wasn't feeling well. his stomach, then after that kena fever. =.=' haha but mine is jsut a stomach problem as usual. ahha always like that.. retarded stomach man.

oh ya, today saw her. gosh miss her lots man. haha. and i think she change her hair style, either she cut her hair, or just different style of tying up her hair. =) anyway, the point is that she changed her hair style . haha. =) ;)

so ya nothing much to blog. oh ya. i bought the sims2 man!! haha it is so fun!! and addictive man!! seriously!! haha. finally got this game, been craving for it for so long!! :) ;)  

Look My Sim! eehehe. =)

My House! hehe ;)

Inside the house. ;) hehe

With Me.

I Miss You!. hehehe =P so so much! =P although you don't miss me, but i do miss you alot during this week of holiday! hehehe =P

OK haven't been feeling well recently, can't have a good sleep, and having headaches most of the time! =P haih..sucks man! oh well, but at least 1 thing is good. she's feeling okay, and no health problems or any problems so far!! hehehe thats great!! =) hmmm...just hope she'll be alright this holiday. and hope she rest well and take care good. hehehe. =)

I Love You,

I Miss You,

I Care Lots for You,

I'll always be there for You,

I'm just right there beside You,

And I want You to know that,

I'll always Love You.

From right the bottom of my heart, baby.

hahahah.. so bored sometimes, wondering what can i do. hahaha. oh ya just cut my hair too. what else did i do ar... hmmm..lets see i did sms her, but then i guess she is busy now. she wouldn't have much time for me anyway, haha so nvm. we also got not much to talk about i guess. haha but even if there isn't anything to say or talk about, it is just nice to receive msgs form her and send msgs to her too. hehehe. =) just quietly loving her alot and missing her lots too. hehehe =P

<3>J, I Love You! =)

Ready To Fly!! =P

wait lets see what i have been doing when the school holiday started.. hmmm... friday was the school carnival thing and the patriotic run! hehe =P CONGRATULATIONS J!! =) she got 8th! hehehe don't be sad or whatever. at least you got something and you did your best!! =) ehhehe.

ok anyway, the carnival started after the run at about 11.45 a.m. and ended at 5.

my class stall was selling nuggets, fish balls, floats, root beer, and ice cream! apparently fish balls was mush the favourite of many people there. everyone were craving for the nuggets. heheh our nuggets taste very delicious!! just like mc Donald's nuggets. the others were selling ok. our stall closed when we sold all our nuggets. then we just clean up and waited to head home. hehehe. while some others continue trying to sell all their food and drinks. which they couldn't sell at all. =P noobs.. anyway after the carnival went to ee ren hse to sleep over for 3 days. hehe pplayed tennis and xbox, had fun man, =P

anyway i'm also lazy to write and blog la, ahah don't know what to say. oh ya. happy holidays all!! =) hehe have a great 1 week holiday!! =P

haih, 1 week holiday. =P going to miss you, you and YOU!!

11 august

hey everyone, i know you wouldn't like to hear me blog about my past. but this is worth it.

cause at this time of the year, 2 years ago. it was 1 of my happiest day man!

but anyway, it might not be so happy as it was 2 years ago. but still it was the greatest man. don't know whether she appreciated, but i did anyway. hehehe =P

and it was the nicest experience i have so far in life. hehe =)

i loved this day that time, and still loving it. haha =P but i'm also still loving the person la. haha =P

i remembered what happened on this date on that year man.. haha it was really a sudden thing happened. hehe but a good kind of sudden. hehe. didn't forget about it and i dont htink i will ever want to. hahaha =P.

anyway, just blogging to say today is my day. and i am going to live this whole day to the max. not going to sleep. until this day goes by.hehehehe =)

P.S. To the person who made my day this way, hahaha i still love you lots!! =) no matter what. ehehe. =) i miss your hugs man.!! hehe =) just so miss it. and your beautiful sparkly eyes when i look into it. hehehe. =P

ok la thats all i guess. :P ;P =P

I Still....

hahaha... i'm so full now, blogging man.

ok lets see..today was a very long day man, i didn't reach home and wasn't able to use the com until now. hahaha. 1st woke up in the morning to school, but today wasn't feeling so good when i went to school. ok so anyway, after school went straight to the golf course and played 18 holes, was a bit hot in the afternoon, then it wasn't sunny already, the sunshine went away and the wind and clouds came in. so nice. hahaha..but not nice for me when i hit the ball la. the ball will be fading here and there, cause of the wind. overall it was a very tiring game, my legs are so like tired. at the last few holes, i was barely holding on man. but then i forced myself. hahaha. have to lose those weights man, so fat. haha =P ok. so after the golf, it ended at about 6. had to quickly go back home, cause later on i had tuition man. but it took like 1 hour to get home, was so freaking jam!! and i was so tired in the car. celaka cars, jam up the whole way home, carpool la. aler.

so anyway, got back about 7. quickly go shower on the com, check mail for a while, then dinner. after that was kinda late for tuition. rushed again lo. and it was jam too. aiyo. headache lo. hahaha =P then reached at tution about 8.10 man!! ahaha. was late obviously.

then tuition ends at 10, got back home, rest on the bed for like 5 minutes or so, and then dad asked us to go out fro supper, so went out lo, and ate, wah liu, the food ar...eat until iw as so so so so full!! and thats how i am filling now man!! so freaking full!!!! =P

so ya after supper and now back home. home sweet home. hahaha =P such a tiring day. was out for so long. =P hahaha.

I still and am here,

will work hard, get that job,

and work my way to give you a family,

if i can.

feeling from a distance,

don't know how,

don't know why,

but just a feeling that is somewhere,

in there.<3

If only

hmmm...there is nothing much i can say. i just feel like blogging my heart out. been keeping it inside so long. and i just can't tahan and just thought of blogging about it.

You are always on my mind,

and i can't get you out,

i've never loved you less from the day you left,

there's nothing that could make me love you less,

why is that?

Though you love him, but i don't care.

you love him so much,

thats okay, it doesn't matter,

cause you are happy,

and thats all i want is for you to be happy,

i will and always just love you.

and just hope that you know that,

would want you to know that.

but haih i just can't say it out to you.

Joanna oh joanna,

so beautiful and adorable,

killing me with a  smile so great! =)

so sweet that even the bees love her more than honey man! hehe =)

and oh ya, don't forget this man,

she is very very very very nice caring lovable and just so wonderful!

whoever that guy is there to have won her heart!!..

you are 1 VERY VERY VERY LUCKY GUY!!

don't lose her, she is the best!!

ok la thats all. she is now very busy i know, with her cousin's wedding. and i just hope she does take care and try to get some sleep and rest. in this blog i would love to tell everyone how great and wonderful she is!!! and i won't be able to see her for so long. =( haih today she went back early and tomorrow she isn't going to school, during the weekend saturday and sunday also won't be able to see her. haih i really miss her. but nvm la, i'll just try as hard as i can to last the days, but i know she would really miss her guy alot too! and i think the guy misses her lots more too. but hey thats ok. i still miss her alot and love her lots too.. <3>

I LOVE YOU!

MISS YOU LOTS!

Half Life

No matter how it would hurt or whatever, all i want is you to be happy always. and finally you met a new guy, your new and only baby now!! hehehe.. you should enjoy it to the max!! i really hope you guys would go far and you 2 would have the best times of your life.

and do take care of her, whoever the guy may be. i shall just be down the sidelines looking at you having the time of your life! and i'll always be there for you, if you really need la. but i doubt you do, after all you got your new sweet and charming darling baby. hehehe.

It takes so much out of me to pretend
tell me now, tell me how to make amends

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don't you see I'm breaking down

lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time
of any kind

I keep trying to understand
this thing and that thing, my fellow man
I guess I'll let you know
when i figure it out

but I don't mind a few mysteries
they can stay that way it's fine by me
and you are another mystery i am missing.

It takes so much out of me to pretend

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don't you see I'm breaking down

Lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time
of any kind

come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
again

No matter how, no matter what. there's always a place for you in my open heart. =)

P.S. really hope he will make you happy and dont break your heart. hope both of you will be together soon and living a happy ending of this lovingness time.

Not feeling well,sick. taking some medicines.

don't need to see the doctors. just simply take some medicines la. hehe. 

Super lonely. )=

haih, no matter whether i think a bit more positive or anything better, the results are stilll the same. haih. thought was being better but then still it feels equally the same as when i'm at the dark side of the world.

haih, where is everyone.. or at least someone now..

haih. its so lonely now. haih all i want is someone here. haih.. and see i end up talking to myself.. haih. not many people would know or understand why do i love her so much. but i really do. haih.. even myself i don't know why.\

anyway, having health problems for sure. going genting this weekend. haih.

aren't i suppose to be like excited or at least at a positive side of thinking.. that it would be fun or anything?. haih but i'm not. all i could think of was that time i went to genting. and i was missing joanna so much there. and huey wei called her on the phone for me that time and i could like hear her voice and wanted to talk to her...but was just missing her too much i cried.

and now i miss her even more and i cant even cry cause i'll be there with my whole family. haih so ya. whats wrong with me?.. haih..

and now i guess she likes or loves someone else. i knew she would find 1 soon. knew she would. she didn't believe me when i said so, but see i was eventually right. haih. anyway at least she is happy and enjoy it. so i'm ok and happy for her too. just want her to be happy.and this guy makes her happy then it would be nice and great. it will make her life great! like that day was talking to her about how her life could get great. i guess this is the one!!

Joanna, take care be careful and enjoy!!

please do!

don't get sick so easily, don't sleep so late, wear your specs while watch tv,

and don't worry joanna you are not fat, you will never be,

you must remember to eat too.

and also not too many panadols.

haih. and i don't know how long i am going to live. having some health problems, i think i would die young. but hey, thats ok.. was waiting for a moment like this. 

cause nothing else really matters without her, haih am i really that in love?.. haih..

arghhhhhhh!!! 

I 

Love

You!!!

hahaha.. =P

Come on man. leave some comments or chat a the C box thingy when you guys visit!! hehe =) it is nice to have some visitors... =P hahah..

Thats all... lazy to write anything!! =P

can't sleep.

hmmm....its already like about 2 sth now. i'm suppose to sleep early today after that big meals i had saturday, few hours ago. =P and it was a long day too. but yet... hmmm...just cant sleep. noone to talk to. noone is online. haih.
so i guuess i thought of talking to my blog instead of talking to myself like a retard. =P haha.
It's just so hard to stop loving someone so much isnt it?? =P haha.
without love, we have nothing at all..to be honest. =P after falling deeply in love.. theres and long long long way back to the top. hehehe =P its all so true.. =P :P

Hey bloggin is fun!! hahah i get to talk to someone else beside myself.. so great... =).. never had many ppl to talk to, so i guess its jsut me and my blog. hahaha =P talkign to each other. posting blogs and expressing my feelings, its just what i am doing in the blog. =P so that i wont express so much in the public and al i guess.. hahaha =P i don't know.

ok la..i also lazy to talk already.. =P haha byebye blog!! good night!! =)

p.s. stomach not feelingg well now.. argghhh..pain!! =P ;P

hmmmm...

I'm so so fulll!! what a day man!! =P Ate so so so much!!!!! MY GOD!! =P hahaha...my stomach feels so blotted up man.!! =P
Anyway, i alsodon't know whats the point of me blogging anyway, noone reads mine.. =P haha so ya, might not blog much then.
Just like everything in my life is..invisible!! hahaha. =P and oh ya unnoticeable. =P if thats a word.. haha =P
ok la..nothing much already. thats all.

I dreamed I was missing,

You were so scared,

But no one would listen,

Cause no one else cared.

After my dreaming,

I woke with this fear,

What am I leaving,

When I'm done here.

So if you're asking me,

I want you to know,

When my time comes,

Forget the wrong that I've done,

Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed,

And don't resent me,

And when you're feeling empty,

Keep me in your memory.

And,

Leave out all the rest.

Confusion.

I just don't know what to do what to think what to believe in.

i'm totally unstable man. trying so hard to do something positive man.. 

Haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih

Haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih

Haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih

Haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih

Haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih

Haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih

Haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih

Haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih

Haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih haih

There is my blog. just finished blogging. this explains my frustrations and desperation and also my obsessive love to a person. whom i dunno how does she feels now. haih.

ok thats all. bye!.

Forever <3

Look at this what i did in class, this is 1 of the best i have done so far.. check it out... hehe =P I just couldn't keep her off my mind, so this is what i did.. =P hehehe.

It isn't so nice drawing, but i think it is ok.

better than nothing, it looks better in real.

hehehe.

I Love You So Much! =')

why are things so weird? why can't they be more simple and less complicating.

and why do guys like me suck so much?.. =P i should be braver and more demanding!! hehehe.. and thats who i shall become.. =P ehehe.

OK. so back to what's going on. my legs are hurting man.. i hate them.. they are so fucking shit ass legs... can not get better 1. so dam shit. oh ya, and recently my stomach aint feeling so good for a month or so. trying to settle this stomach problem soon. but if can't nvm.

just die only mar. nothing big also. she wants to die young. i want to die younger.. hahaha =P

oh ya, class test are this week man!! OH NO!! I hate studying!! I hate exams!! these are the 2 most hated thing in my life. =P

but on the other hand, i do love learning!! just love learning new stuff...knowing new interesting stuff. but dont want exams.. Thats THE WORST!!!

oh ya, that day in ict class, i found some persons blog, which had this Ah Beng jokes, which were so freaking funny!! hahaha.. A Dog Named Sex!! =P hilarious!! hahah. Ah Beng is a singaporean version of mr. bean. something like that, according to my dad.. ahaha..only difference is that Ah Beng talks more and silly.

ok, i guess thats all.. tata.. see ya.. bye!! =P

Lonely =(

I thought i was like able to be back on my feet and just live on.

But hey, i guess it just doesn't happen to me. i just feel so lonely sometimes.. at home, in school, where ever i am. nobody seems to understand me nor notice me i think. i just want to be like noticible or at least happy all the time. And to be missed when i'm gone at least even for a while. Is it so hard to be wanted by at least someone?? =P my god.
haih, and the worst thing is that, i don't knwo whether i can even cope with my studies. haih. I need MOTIVATION!! =(
I never ever want to live without you. but just for the sake of others i do.

She'll never know how much i do love her.
Noone will ever know how much i would give.
How much there is i would offer.
But, so what...all this doesnt matter in the end.

I've been in the darkness for too long,

trying to get out for life,

knowing that there will be never another,

just doing me best to keep on.

I Miss You Lots!

:'(

It has been a while.

hahaha... hey hey hey.
it has been sometime since i came here.. =P
so just decided to post something up! =P it is already 2 in the morning, date: 11 july night, 12 july morning. haha =P
nothing to say acctually. but just that it is 1 hell of a sucking life i'm having. =P

there's never a day, i would leave you,

never ever thought i would fall so deep,

but if you must go then at least know,

that I Love You. <3

hmmm... lets see, school now a days ahs been quite boring, really do not have the will to study much lately, been very lazy. haha. =P

hey ok, i guess thats all, going to play some com games to try to sleep now.. hehe =P

this is Derrick Ng, signing off. good night everyone!

another day!!

haih today!! another day without her...it has already been like 1 week plus!! and still nothing seems better!
i have turned from her lover to her just friends!!
it's sad thinking of it! looking at the messages. the past! and never know whether will ever have those times again!
i have been emoing for like so long!!! nothing seems better..i might be having fun talking to her as a friend!! but it will never be the same again i know it. but still i am here waiting!

i have cared for her so much last time! and now it is still the same!
want to care but will i ever be able to??
will she ever let me?
all the questions wondering in the head!!
all i wanted was a happy ending! but looks like it doesnt come to an end that early of life.it is just my sad beginning.

haih!! just a sad singing song day!! =P

today went to school sang, come home sang! sleep also sang!!
hahahaha =P
got to talk to joanna but it was just ok la, like a friend haih but still got to talk to her.
anyway let me just put up the names of the songs i have been signing lately! =P

:-realize-colbie caillat
fool agian - westlife
inconsolable - backstreetboys
our song - taylor swift
bleeding love - leona lewis
one last breath - creed
drowning - backstreetboys
if i let you go - westlife

If I Let You Go

day after day
time pass away
and I just can't get you off my mind
nobody knows
I hide it inside
I keep on searching but i can't find

the courage to show
to letting you know
I've never felt so much love before
and once again I'm thinkin' about
takin' the easy way out

but if I let you go
I will never know
what my life would be
holding you close to me
will I ever see
you smiling back at me
oh yeah
how will I know
if I let you go

night after night
I hear myself say
why can't this feeling just fade away
there's no one like you
you speak to my heart
it's such a shame
we're worlds apart

I'm too shy to ask
I'm too proud to lose
but sooner or later I've gotta choose
and once again
I'm thinkin' about
taking the easy way out

but if I let you go
I will never know
what my life would be
holding you close to me
will I ever see
you smiling back at me
oh yeah
how will I know
if I let you go

if I let you go, oh baby

oooh

once again I'm thinkin' about
takin' the easy way out

but if I let you go
I will never know
what my life would be
holding you close to me (close to me)
will I ever see
you smiling back at me
oh yeah
how will I know
if I let you go

but if I let you go
I will never know
(oh baby)

will I ever see you smiling back at me
oh yeah
How will I know
(how will i know)
if I let you go

14th, 15th, 16th. january

these 3 days ahs been fun and sad at the same time!
tried to hide all my sadness inside when i was in school!!

saw her again today!! she seems so happy!!!
haih wondering whether has she ever thought about me after the break?
does she every still have feelings for me?
will i ever get her back??
haih!!!
it is jsut so sad to look at her sometimes..but i still cant stand it without looking at her!!
i am such a stalker!!
haih!!

got to sms her again a few times these few days!!
still the same!! had fun talks and yet sad 1 casue i expressed how much i loved her. and that isn't appropriate.
haih!! jsut made it worse, but still it was ok nothing happened.
tried to hide it again!!! =( haih!!

have been stalking her!! i think haih!! jsut cant leave her
had to make sure she was alrigth all the time.
wanted to see whther i had a chance again..but seems it is a no!!!
she is like with the 2 guys from her class all the time when i see her from a distance!
she can never see me, like i was invisible!!
she saw me and like have to wait for me to look at her for a while like a stare witha smile!! imagine how scary is that. then only she looked back at me with a smile and jsut look away!
i had to smile at her!! hadn't had much choices!!
wanted her to be happy too!! haih!!
needed to make sure she doesnt see me hurt!! =(
hope she will be happy always..and just hope that i will be able to be happy 1 day again!!

she never said hi nor bye!!
she never smile nor frown!!
she never wave nor voice out!
she never will love me again!!! =(
haih!!!
but still haih!!!


Baby, I know the story
I've seen the picture
It's written all over your face

Tell me, what's the secret
That you've been hiding
Who's gonna take my place

I should've seen it coming
I should have read the signs
Anyway...I guess it's over
Can't believe that I'm the fool again
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know
You never told me
Can't believe that
I'm the fool again
And I who thought you were my friend
How was I to know
You never told me

Baby, you should've called me
When you were lonely
When you needed me to be there

Sadly, you never gave me two many chances
To show how much I care

I should've seen it coming
I should have read the signs
Anyway...I guess it's over
Can't believe that I'm the fool again
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know
You never told me
Can't believe that I'm the fool again
And I who thought you were my friend
How was I to know
You never told me

About the pain and the tears
Oh, Oh, Oh
If I could, I would Turn back the time

the few days after the break!!

today is the 4th day after the break up!!
haih lets just say it aint right!!
haih, we chatted for a while but!! is just for a while.
and like any normal friends!! she really has no feelings for me already!!!
OH NO NO NO!!!
haih!
I just love her so so so much!!! so hard to accept the faact!!!

still can't write much!!!
not high!! not crazy!! haih!!
jsut so down and haih!! sad!!! =(
but at least today was kinda fun!!
talked to her!! i mean smsed her..it was ok..kinda fun!! but still not that nice at all!! =(

haih!! sucky day!! =(

haih!!!
no mood to write anything now!!
haih!!!
why why why??!!!
it sucks!!! =(
haih!! didnt get to do what i wanted today, haih everythign went wrong today!!! =( :(
haih!!!! so so so so sad!!! just cant talk!!

she dumped me!!!!
she has no more feelings for me!!!
thats what she said!!!
haih!!! what ever i have done and every effort i put in!!
haih!!! it went just down the drain!!!!

can anyone help me now???
those words went right through my heart!! poking killing!!
"can we be friends?"
my god!! the worse thing anyone can say to you!!! =(
haih haih haih haih haih haih!!

the following week!! =)

it is the next week of the school!!
my weekend were just as normal!!
thought of her like the whole time!!! missed her so much!!
wished could be with her!! couldnt wait to go to school!!! hehe =)

when i got to school these 2 days it was so fun and nice!!
got to spend time with her everytime!!!
spoke more than we did in school last year!! and everything together!!!
so nice!! =) cant wait till the next few days comes!!!
just want to be with her!!!

just want to be next to her!! supporting her!! =)
and tomorrow i am planing something for us to do!! hehe =)

oh yea about my poem i thought of it while i was in bed at night!!
here it goes:-

Roses are red,

Joanna is cool,

Her lips are so smooth,

And i would love to kiss them too!! =)

;P

hehe cool?? yea..fromt he roses are red violets are blue poem thingy, but i changed it!! hehe =) by myelf!! =P

the next day!

It was like ok, just have to get back to normal school life again!
haih!! sadly have to wake up early.
can't stay up late and wake up late again till the next holiday comes!
but anyway, the good thing is that i get to see her again today!!! =)
so happy!! ;)
school just seems so much intresting with her in it!
but dissapointly and as sad it might be, we werent in the same class.
she had to go to arts stream..and i went to the sub-physics stream!

i am the monitor of my class. and she was the monitor of her class.
so perfect right?? haha what perfect match!!! =)
it seems that everything are getting better and better!! hehe =)

the 1st day of the new school year!

It was the most fantastic day ever of school man!!

I woke up so so freaking early!!

couldn’t wait to go to school..to get my new class...to get to se HER!! =)

nothing could be more perfect!!! =)

but sadly went there, and didn’t have the guts to say hi!
in the hall of the school seeing her talking with another guy, getting close.
just so so so annoying and frustrating, thinking has she still thought of me.
cause i am there looking at her from a distance!
she never noticed it but i did.
didn’t mention anything to her though, hope to just let it pass, cause after all i already have her heart

got to spend the lunch period and break time with her!
right there with her every time I could!!
just missed her so much during the long holidays!! =)
everything was fine today!! =)
nothing went wrong.
got the class i wanted..got the time to be with her!! everything was falling in place.
so happy today!! ;)
expecting a great new year to come!! =)